I have good news

I have good news.  I have a washing machine again!!  I collected it yesterday and spent about 3 hours trying to follow installation instructions which were either written by someone who had never carried out the procedure, or written by an intractable optimist with a vivid imagination.  The instructions read: gently slide out the polythene bag. So I tried gently sliding for about 20 minutes and then twigged: 'Gently slide' meant 'get down on your hands and knees; stretch as far into the bowels of the machine as you can; grab hold of the bag with two hands; and tug, riddle, jerk up, jerk down, yank sideways until the bag gently slides out.' Then I had to slide out three plastic pins.  This was easier, once I realised that 'three plastic pins' meant 'three brass rods' and 'gently slide' meant 'root round in the garage by torchlight until you have located a spanner that fits the nuts holding "the three plastic pins" in place'.  
 
I wonder what a top-of-the-range washing machine does.  I wonder how anyone manages to make a top-of-the-range washing machine do what it does.  Perhaps people who have top-of-the-range washing machines have to go on 3-year courses to learn how to make a top-of-the-range washing machine do what it does (perhaps they have to pass exams before they are allowed to purchase a top-of-the-range washing machine (perhaps they have to pass exams and get a licence before they are allowed to purchase a top-of-the-range washing machine)).  And I wonder all this because I have to make an extraordinary number decisions concerning temperature and spin speed and thoroughness of wash, and size of wash, and whether I'm feeling wealthy enough to afford an extravagant full wash as opposed to a more parsimonious economy wash just to coax my bottom-of-the-range washing machine into switching on the small green light that notifies me that it has received my application and will give me its decision in due course.  And should it decide to honour my application ... well, I shan't need to buy a new set of Christmas lights this year.  This, despite having worked out only the correct form for a polite request for a no-frills wash and spin. I am tempted to use the 'Specials' programme out of mere curiosity as I suspect it'll include such options as 'break into song' (song of your choosing - should you have the stamina to go through the process of decision-making again).  I have a feeling that the winking blinking lights are Morse, but can't be absolutely sure as the machine's from Germany and I can't read German quickly enough. 
 
Anyway, the machine is Morsely muttering away to itself as I write, and since it completed a cycle last night with no spillage at all, I may, I think, regard myself as having left the domain of the unwashed.