101 things no one needs to know

1 I love tea
2 And real-vanilla ice cream
3 I live in Scotland
4 But haven’t got a Scots accent
5 I have a 17-year-old pure white, long-haired, congenitally deaf cat with odd eyes (one blue, one green)
6 I also have a small, long-haired, black dog
7 My favourite audio book is Paul Scott, Staying On
8 I reread Dickens’ Bleak House often
9 I’m (still) currently reading John Irving, Cider House Rules
10 And (still) listening to Cosi fan tutte (See 39)
11 I've never been to New Zealand
12 Or to China
13 But I’m hoping to travel around the world, between the Tropics for a month next year
14 And to move house this year
15 And to find a new job
16 One day I’ll submit a PhD thesis on Scottish Literature
17 And learn to water ski
18 I’d like to live somewhere hot and dry
19 And to work until I’m 90
20 I prefer vegetables to meat
21 And red wine to white
22 (But I usually drink gin)
23 I’m middle-aged and love it
24 And middle class and love this too
25 I tend to buck trends, but unintentionally
26 I’m not political
27 And have little common sense
28 Or general knowledge
29 But I can do pure maths
30 Read Latin
31 And write short stories
32 I can’t cook
33 I can’t ice skate
34 Or ski
35 But I can swim
36 And surf
37 And I used to run
38 (I have unreliable knees)
39 I’m fanatical about Mozart
40 And Bach
41 And punctuation
42 But not punctuality
43 I cannot understand economics
44 I think slowly
45 So I’m not witty
46 And I can’t tell jokes
47 But I have a good sense of humour
48 I’m easygoing (I think)
49 I hold few opinions with conviction
50 But can appear opinionated
51 I tend to acquire rather than buy
52 (Except for books
53 And clothes
54 And computers)
55 And (aside from clothes) buy second-hand
56 I once belonged to a wholefood coop
57 As a result, I know a lot about herbs and spices
58 And pulses and wholegrains
59 And make good bread
60 But I live on supermarket stirfry
61 And shop-bought loaves
62 And Marmite (because, well, see 32)
63 I’m unhappy without a laptop
64 Sunshine
65 (But, oddly, also wellies)
66 Tea (see 1)
67 A book
68 And my funny, intelligent, handsome, easygoing partner
69 I'm happy most of the time
70 And happiest when on holiday with my partner (see 68) and my dog (see 6) and cat (see 5) somewhere hot (see 18)
71 I wear hats and earrings
72 Jeans and Chanel
73 I’m miserable when bored
74 And (because 73) at meetings at work
75 I enjoy flying
76 But not landing
77 Although I love arriving
78 And sometimes leaving (places
79 and some people)
80 Once I used to have an allotment
81 A piano
82 And a friend called Jen, who died
83 I regret giving up the allotment
84 And selling the piano
85 And I wish I had never started smoking
86 I would like to meet David Mitchell
87 Andrew Marr
88 Peter Ackroyd
89 Boris Johnson
90 Isla Dewar
91 And E. Annie Proulx
92 I hope I never meet Jonathan Ross or Russell Brand or Jeremy Clarkson
93 Presents I remember most keenly from childhood include a set of pencils with my name on
94 And a pair of roller skates
95 Things I have lost include a Blue Peter badge
96 One pale green drop earring made by a friend out of paper
97 A copy of Robert Tressell, The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists
98 And a bicycle
99 Things I have found include a treadle sewing machine
100 And a cat
101 I wish I wore a wedding ring