… and I’ve been re-reading Epstein’s Going to Pieces without Falling Apart, now read so often my copy is falling apart. I opened it to re-read the story of the mustard seeds, having heard a radio adaptation of this on the radio, recently; but then, as usual, became absorbed by Epstein’s discussion of emptiness and the idea of mindfulness. Again and again I come back to these ideas, and I am enchanted by them, but equally frequently, I become distracted then diverted, and when I return, feel as though I have to start processing his ideas from the beginning, again.
It’s the idea of being able to ‘do nothing’ mindfully which defeats me, although even performing a single physical action mindfully is hard. Walking to post a letter, earlier, for example, I found I was planning a schedule for tomorrow. (A schedule for a day of nothing!! Oh! The monkey mind.) And now, although this is probably far too simplistic, it seems to me that what one finds easiest to do mindfully is what one is best suited to doing. But since that makes me a walker in the rain, maybe this is just sheer self-indulgence.
And emptiness? It seems to the experience of silence (again) – at once both alluring and terrifying - together with stillness.
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